התחבר או הירשם

לאחר 25 שנות פעילות, פורום אייסוקר צפוי להיסגר ב־15.11.2026. למידע נוסף ולהודעת הסגירה המלאה, היכנסו לדיון שפורסם אוף טופיק 》》 לחצו כאן לקריאת הודעת הסגירה המלאה

הומור

הנושא בפורום 'פורום אוף טופיק' פורסם ע"י Riki, ‏14/7/05.

עמוד 151 מ 230

rainman משתמשים של כבוד היכל התהילה

הצטרף ב:

‏1/9/02

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איזה הזוי,מישהו בתקשורת האנגלית חייב לנסות לראיין אותו ולבדוק למה הבנאדם צחצח שיניים באמצע משחק העונה בפריימר ליג.

rainman, ‏9/11/09

#2251
uri מנהלים

הצטרף ב:

‏13/8/03

הודעות:

17,589

לייקים שהתקבלו:

4,109

מין:

זכר

Original ad:
I bought this GE refrigerator a few years ago, but just got a new one for my kitchen and no longer need it. It still works perfectly and is very large, perfect as your main fridge for a kitchen. I'm asking $300 for it. I am located in Brooklyn, but will be willing to deliver it up to 25 miles for a small fee.
From Mike Partlow to ************@**********.org

Hello,

I am very interested in your fridge. Is it still available? If so, how much would you charge to deliver it to my place in the city?

Mike

From marty ******* to Me

Yes mike it is still available. I will deliver it for an extra $50. where is your place located?

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

I want it delivered to my office on the 67th floor of the ********* Building on **rd st and **********. Now I am pretty sure that the fridge won't fit in the elevator, and if it does, it would exceed the weight capacity, so you will have to carry it up the stairs. I hope this won't be a problem.

When can you deliver it? I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and can be there any time. I do need it sooner rather than later, however.

Mike

From marty ******* to Me

that is absurd. Im not going to heave this very heavy fridge up 67 flights of stairs. Dosent your building have a cargo/utility elevator?

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

Marty, you don't have to lug it up 67 flights of stairs. There is a loading bay around back that starts on the 2nd floor, and I'm pretty sure this building does not count the 13th floor. So you are really only carrying it up 65 flights of stairs. There was a cargo elevator, but building management has told me that I am never allowed to use it again after I attempted to bring my motorcycle up to my office. They don't let just anyone use it anymore, so that isn't an option.

From marty ******* to Me

absolutely not. do you have any idea how heavy this thing is? why do you even need a full size fridge in your office? just buy one of those small mini fridges.

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

Marty,

You are obviously not a very good salesman if you are trying to suggest I buy something else instead of your product. How is that working out for you? Do you make a lot of money that way?

Not that it is any of your business, but I cannot afford rent in my apartment anymore and am slowly trying to move into my office so I can live out of there. I plan on disguising the fridge as a filing cabinet so my company will not get suspicious. If anyone asks you what you are doing when you are moving it into my office, just tell them that you are delivering my new filing cabinet. Try to tuck the power cord under the fridge so they don't realize that it is actually a fridge.

How does next Tuesday work? I am free all day.

Mike

From marty ******* to Me

mike I don't think you understood me. I am NOT delivering the fridge to your office. it's way too big and heavy, and I doubt you will find anyone willing to carry it up to the 67th floor.

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

Marty,

I'm sorry, I must have misread your ad. I could have sworn it said "will be willing to deliver it up to 25 miles for a small fee." Am I crazy, or did your ad say that?

I don't recall it saying "will be willing to deliver it as long as your building isn't too big and scary for my weak little body to carry it."

From marty ******* to Me

Hey listen asshole. You are a Fuckin idiot if you honestly think somebody will do this. It has nothing to do with strength it is just an insane request. the only way you will get a fucking fridge up there is with an elevator. fuck off.

From Mike Partlow to marty *******

Marty, I get what you are saying. It doesn't have anything to do with strength, because even my 120 lb ex-wife could carry this thing up. It is clearly a lack of motivation. You need to be in the right mindset to be able to do this.

Tell you what, I'll stand behind you as you carry it up, and shout encouraging motivational words at you to keep you going. I'll say things like "c'mon Marty, you can do it! You're almost there!" and "don't give up!" I'll even bring a few bottles of Gatorade in case you get thirsty. What flavor do you want? I have frost and orange, but I really don't recommend orange because it doesn't even taste like Gatorade.

So see you Tuesday?

Mike

From marty ******* to Me

shut the fuck up.
לחץ כדי להרחיב...

--------------

Original ad:
I WANT YOUR COUCH
IF ANYONE HAS AN UNWANTED COUCH I CAN COME GET IT. WILL TRAVEL UP TO 20 MINUTES FROM CONSHOHOCKEN. PLEASE SEND PICTURES. THANKS
From Me to **********@*********.org:

Hi there! You can have my couch if you are still looking for one. Let me know! You can either e-mail me or call me.

Mike

From Juan ********* to Me:

HI MIKE

I STILL NEED YOUR COUCH.
HOW BIG IS IT?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES?
WHY DO YOU NOT WANT IT ANY MORE?

YOU DID NOT GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER SO I CANT CALL YOU.

From Me to Juan *********:

Juan,

The couch can seat three normal people, or two fat people. I don't have any pictures because my camera is broken (I didn't realize it was in the garbage disposal when I turned on the switch.)

I am getting rid of the couch because my grandfather passed away on it a few weeks ago. Every time I look at it, I am reminded of it, and I would rather it not be in my apartment anymore. Just give me a call and we can set up a time for you to come get it.

Mike

From Juan ********* to Me:

MIKE IS THE COUCH STILL IN GOOD CONDITION. YOU STILL DID NOT GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER.

From Me to Juan *********:

Juan,

The couch is still in very good condition. There are only a few minor blemishes, but you can't really notice them. There is a little bit of blood on the couch and a pool of blood on the middle cushion from when my grandfather shot himself. I tried cleaning it with club soda, but it had really soaked into the fabric by the time I found him. The blood dried though, and now it is kind of a brown-ish color that I think actually makes the couch look better. It is a brown couch anyway so you can't even notice it.

Mike

From Juan ********* to Me:

NO THANKS

From Me to Juan *********:

Why not? I thought we had a deal. Is it because of the blood? You can just turn the cushion over and nobody will have any idea.

From Juan ********* to Me:

THE COUCH IS COVERED IN BLOOD WHO WOULD WANT THAT?
GROSS!

From Me to Juan *********:

Don't put words in my mouth. I never said it was covered in blood - it just has a little blood here and there.

I did forget to mention, I believe my grandfather defecated on the couch when he died (the paramedics say it happens all the time.) I cleaned most of that up, but once again the couch is brown so you won't even notice it.

And this probably isn't a big deal, but he also had a cigar in his mouth and when he died it set part of the couch on fire. On the plus side, it did burn away some of the old urine stains that the couch had on it. The couch no longer smells like urine. It kind of smells like a barbecue, which is great if you love barbecues.

From Juan ********* to Me:

THAT COUCH IS FUCKED
THROW IT OUT!

From Me to Juan *********:

Why would you waste my time if you weren't going to take the couch? I'm sick of having to deal with people like you. I'm just trying to get rid of a decent couch, for free, and still people are wasting my time.

From Juan ********* to Me:

IF YOU TOLD ME UP FRONT THAT SOME ONE DIED AND SHIT ALL OVER YUOR COUCH THAN I WOULNT HAVE WASTED ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME!!
DONT YOU SPIN THIS ON ME BY TELING ME THE COUCH LOOKS GOOD WITH BLOOD OR SMELLS LIKE A BBQ. WHO THE FUCK WANTS A COUCCH THAT SMELLS LIKE BBQ IF I WANTED TO SMELL BBQ I WOULD BUY A FUCKING GRILL

From Me to Juan *********:

Would you be interested in the grill I am selling then? It is a CharCooker 500 and has three burners. Two of them don't work because my grandfather shot at the grill when he was drunk, but the middle burner still cooks food really well. I'm asking $400 for it, and for you, I'll throw in a couch for free.

From Juan ********* to Me:

I DONT WANT YOUR USELESS SHIT GUY!!!!
לחץ כדי להרחיב...

נערך לאחרונה ב: ‏9/11/09

uri, ‏9/11/09

#2252
Gianzola משתמשים של כבוד היכל התהילה

הצטרף ב:

‏16/2/04

הודעות:

8,879

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1,752

מרוקאית הולכת לרופא ומתלוננת שהיא סובלת מחולשה חזקה
הרופא שולח אותה לבדיקת דם ולאחר קבלת התוצאות הוא מזמן אותה ואומר
"חסר לך ויטמינים בגוף , את צריכה לקחת כל יום כדור B12"
דוקטור אני מצטערת אני לא יכולה.
B12 אני מביאה את הילד מהגן

Gianzola, ‏10/11/09

#2253
בית"רי מלידה Member

הצטרף ב:

‏3/1/04

הודעות:

9,190

לייקים שהתקבלו:

1

מראים למרוקאית שולחן עם 3 רגליים ,ושואלים אותה : "מה חסר בשולחן? "

היא עונה: "סלטים".

-----------------

שלושה מרוקאים נוסעים באוטו, מי הנהג?

השוטר.

בית"רי מלידה, ‏10/11/09

#2254
rainman משתמשים של כבוד היכל התהילה

הצטרף ב:

‏1/9/02

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17,976

לייקים שהתקבלו:

0

הזאת עם הסלטים חזקה.

rainman, ‏10/11/09

#2255
COYS Member

הצטרף ב:

‏31/5/09

הודעות:

690

לייקים שהתקבלו:

0

http://www.one.co.il/Article/147402.html

COYS, ‏10/11/09

#2256
בית"רי מלידה Member

הצטרף ב:

‏3/1/04

הודעות:

9,190

לייקים שהתקבלו:

1

נכתב ע"י COYS:

http://www.one.co.il/Article/147402.html
לחץ כדי להרחיב...

ואם תוסיף לזה 200 מיליגרם מוח של ז'אקו בוזאגלו, תגיע לאליפות הצ'מפיונס. ( או לאבארבאנל ).

בית"רי מלידה, ‏10/11/09

#2257
חייל שוקולד משתמשים של כבוד היכל התהילה

הצטרף ב:

‏31/7/07

הודעות:

12,010

לייקים שהתקבלו:

3,653

נכתב ע"י COYS:

http://www.one.co.il/Article/147402.html
לחץ כדי להרחיב...

http://images.one.co.il/images/ONE/Originals775/gg902169.Xxx

הגרפים המדעיים שהוא הכין בוורד :aaarofl:

חייל שוקולד, ‏11/11/09

#2258
George Best Member

הצטרף ב:

‏8/10/05

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16,733

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http://www.asoccer.co.il/html/emoticons/hahaha.Xxx

George Best, ‏11/11/09

#2259
בית"רי מלידה Member

הצטרף ב:

‏3/1/04

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9,190

לייקים שהתקבלו:

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תשימו לב באיזה אתר "מדעי" הוא פירסם את חוות דעת המומחה שלו.

יש באתר הזה הרבה מומחים.גם מומחיות.

ולקינוח, בדיחה לעניין:

מה דבר הכי ארוך אצל מרוקאי? כיתה א'.

בית"רי מלידה, ‏11/11/09

#2260
亚历山大帕托 Member

הצטרף ב:

‏30/6/07

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13,734

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לפי השרטוט, טוויטו מתיר אין אונות בכל תחומי החיים.

亚历山大帕托, ‏11/11/09

#2261
rainman משתמשים של כבוד היכל התהילה

הצטרף ב:

‏1/9/02

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השרטוט הזה גמר אותי,הזריף הזה כל כך מצחיק,צריך לתת לו איזה תוכנית הוא פשוט כישרון.

rainman, ‏11/11/09

#2262
בית"רי מלידה Member

הצטרף ב:

‏3/1/04

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9,190

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בחיל האוויר, החליטו להפסיק את האפלייה, וניסו לשלב שני מארוקאים בקורס טייס.

הכניסו אותם ל F15 I , אבל ז'וז'ו ובבר לא הצליחו להניע.

העבירו אותם למסוק, אבל אחרי 2 דקות המסוק התרסק. חוקרי התאונות אספו את הקופסא השחורה מאתר ההתרסקות, וניסו להבין מה קרה. בסרט ההקלטה נמצא הפיתרון:

"ז'וז'ו, תכבה את הפרופלור, נהיה לי קר".

נערך לאחרונה ב: ‏11/11/09

בית"רי מלידה, ‏11/11/09

#2263
חייל שוקולד משתמשים של כבוד היכל התהילה

הצטרף ב:

‏31/7/07

הודעות:

12,010

לייקים שהתקבלו:

3,653

אורן זריף מנבא את שנת 2009

חייל שוקולד, ‏11/11/09

#2264
rainman משתמשים של כבוד היכל התהילה

הצטרף ב:

‏1/9/02

הודעות:

17,976

לייקים שהתקבלו:

0

תמיד ידעתי שהוא תותח

rainman, ‏11/11/09

#2265

(נדרש להירשם או להתחבר לפורום כדי להגיב כאן)

עמוד 151 מ 230