כריסמס 2002, הבוקסינג דיי נופל על יום חמישי-אנחנו הפסדנו 3-1 בריברסייד (במשחק שבו קינו חזר מפציעה מאוד ארוכה). הנה כל התוצאות של אותו מחזור.
אתה לא מבין כמה זמן רציתי לדעת איך קוראים לסרט הזה... ראיתי אותו פעמיים - הוא פשוט ענק! עכשיו - אוריד http://www.asoccer.co.il/html/emoticons/smile.Xxx
אין הרבה חגים בבריטניה? אתה לא מכיר את האמרה הבריטית: יש כל כך הרבה חגים בבריטניה שעד שסוף סוף מגיע הזמן לעבוד זה ה-labor's day
A teacher starts a new job at a primary school on Merseyside and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she's a big football fan and supports Liverpool. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Liverpool fan miss," she replies. The teacher, still shocked asks:"Well, if your not a Liverpool Fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I'm a West Ham fan, and proud of it," Mary replies. The teacher can't believe her ears. "Mary, how come you're a Hammers fan?" "Because my mum and dad are from London's East End and are West Ham fans, so I'm a West Ham fan too!" "Still," says the teacher, annoyed, "that's no reason for you to be a West Ham fan as well. You don't have to be like your parents all the time, do you? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief. Would you be like them then?" "No," smiles Mary, "I'd be a Liverpool fan."
אם כבר התחלת בבדיחות אז יש 2 חדשות על ליברפול, מי שקורא שיחשוב באנגלית כי זה נשמע הרבה יותר טוב, * בעקבות גל הפריצות לבתים של שחקני ליברפול(6 פריצות בחודשים האחרונים)בשעה שהם משחקים המשטרה פנתה לרפא בניטז וביקשה ממנו להמשיך ברוטציות של הסגלים של ליברפול בכדי לבלבל את הפורצים. * כאשר המשטרה הגיעה לביתו של סטיבן גרארד לאחר הפריצה הם ערכו רשימה של כל הדברים שנגנבו, גרארד אמר להם שהוא בטוח כי נגנבו לו 6 מדליות של אליפות הפרימייר ליג, השוטרים פנו לגרארד ואמרו לו בנימוס,סטיבן,אתה שחקן גדול,באמת אבל אתה עדיין לא פיל נוויל.
אוקיי, עוד כמה ואח"כ אפרוש לדוקים: A Chelsea fan, a Liverpool fan and a Man u fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The Chelsea fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Chelsea fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done. The scouser was next up and after watching the scene, said:" Please fix two pillows on my back, under my shirt" But even two pillows & 1 shirt could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again. The Manc was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best bars, nightclubs and restaurants in Europe, your city and football team is known throughout the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The manc replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheikh asks. "Please tie the Scouser to my back." ---------------------- A Ukranian woman bumps into Chelsea footy team at a nightclub. She goes up to John Terry and asks him to sign her left breast, he says yes so she lifts up her top and he signs it. She then asks Drogba to sign her right breast, he also says yes so she lifts up her top again and he signs it. She then asks Jose Mourinho to sign her "lady's area", Jose says yes and she pulls down her knickers, to which he replies, "Actually on second thoughts I'll pass- the last time I signed a Ukrainian twat it cost me £30 million." --------------------------------------------- Two men are playing football in a public park when suddenly a crazed rottweiler dives out of a bush and launches itself at one of the men and begins to viciously savage him. Reacting quickly the other man pulls a plank of wood out of an old fence and forces it into the dog's coller and twists it, breaking the dog's neck and killing it instantly. Paramedics arrive and take his friend away for medical attention, and a man approaches the hero with a notepad and pen, he says "I am reporter and I would like to write an article about your heroic deed!", the hero agrees and the reporter writes a title for his article- "Manchester United fan saves friend from vicious attack!" The man reads this and says "I'm not a Manchester United fan" The reporter apologises and writes "England fan saves friend from crazed animal!" The man reads this and says "I'm not a England fan" The reporter apologises again and asks what football team he supports. The man replies "Liverpool" The reporter nods and quickly writes "SCOUSE BASTARD MURDERS FAMILY PET!" ------------------------------------- A boy is at court talking to a judge. He is abused at home. The judge says "Boy, do you want to live with your mum?". "No", the boy replies, "She beats me.". "Ok then, do you want to live with your dad?", the judge asks. Once again the boy says, "No, he beats me." "Fine then", says the judge, "Who do you want to live with?" The boy replies, "'Derby County! They never beat anyone!". -------------- A Mackem fan walks into a pub with his dog just as the football scores come on the TV. The announcer says that Sunderland have lost 3-0 and the dog immediately rolls over on its back, sticks its paws in the air and plays dead. "That's amazing," says the barman. "What does he do when they win?" The Mackem Fan scratches his head for a couple of minutes and finally replies: "I dunno.... I've only had the dog for eight months. -------------- A man was driving down the road one night when he was stopped at a police check-point. The officer says,"we are checking for drunk drivers would you mind blowing into this machine for me". The driver reaches into his pocket and hands the cop a doctors-note. The cop reads, 'This man suffers from asthma, please do not make his do anything that would affect his breathing'. So the cop asks him to accompany him to the station for a blood sample. Again the driver reaches into his pocket and hands the cop a note. This note reads, "This man is a haemophiliac, please do not do anything that would cause him to bleed'. So the cop says, "I suppose it will have to be a urine sample then!". Again the driver reaches into his pocket and produces yet another note. The third note reads, 'This man plays football for Derby County ,please don't take the piss out of him' והבדיחה האנגלית הכי קלאסית (ואני משוכנע שכל מי שמעולם לא שמע אותה יקרע מצחוק): A man had great tickets for the Cup final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the cup final, the biggest sporting event in the UK and not use it?" He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour - to take the seat?" The man shakes his head... "No. They're all at the funeral."
מישהו רואה את "עיר מקלט", תוכנית בריטית שמשודרת בימים אלה ביסטארס? מ-2 הפרקים הראשונים שראיתי התרשמתי שמדובר בסדרה לא רעה בכלל.
סקר באנגליה קובע שיותר מ-70% מהצעירים באנגליה מעדיפים שהמלך הבא יהיה הנסיך וויליאם ולא אביו צ'ארלס. אני מניח שאת הקמפיין של הפשלן למלכות מובילה המילה Legalize...
פטיש, הפעם שיחקת אותה. אחלה בדיחות http://www.asoccer.co.il/html/emoticons/biggrin.Xxx כמובן שהבדיחות האלו, נגד הסקאוזרים, הן המשעשעות ביותר. נו, הומור עצמי תמיד טוב.
לסגור את האור,לשמור על השקט ולהאזין לאחת הלהקות האהובות עלי, רובי ואיסטלנד,תקשיבו ותתחילו להיפתח לדברים אחרים, גאונים בפעולה: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTVnCyDoQlQ&feature=related
או סוף סוף מישהו מדבר פה לעניין מבחינת מוסיקה. http://www.asoccer.co.il/html/emoticons/eusa_clap.Xxx אגב סטרטפורד, יש ב-17.1 במועדון הקולטורה בתל אביב ערב מחווה שעושה להקת הדבשות. חברים שלי שהיו ב-2 ערבי המחווה הקודמים אומרים שהביצועים מדהימים ומדויקים כמו המקור, אני כנראה אגיע הפעם!
